Posted by: Ghost of Ann Landers
The Lord of the Rings
Or, The Muppets Take Morder
by Jim Henson

Elves:
It’s time to pack the lembas,
It’s time to fight the fights,
It’s time to walk to Morder with the Fellowship tonight.
Orcs:
It’s time to put on chain mail,
It’s time to dress up right,
It’s time to give the business to the Fellowship tonight.
Gandalf: Why did we ever come here? (whacks Saruman)
Saruman: I guess we’ll never know. (grabs Gandalf’s beard)
Gandalf: It’s like a kind of torture (pokes Saruman in the eye)
Both: To have to watch this show! (Saruman pushes Gandalf off the balcony)
Gollum (screams)
“My Precioussss!”
(Gollum makes a run at Frodo, but he gets trampled by Dwarves, the Nazgul, three Ents and some Gondorian sheep)
Sheep:
Baaaaaaa!
Fellowship:
And now let’s get things started…
The Dead Men of Dunharrow:
Why don’t you get things started?
Frodo:
It’s time to get things started
All:
On the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Tolkien-ational —
This – is – what – we – call – the – Hobbit – Show!
(Boromir blows his horn, then gets hacked to death by orcs)