Bloody interesting: Real Live Preacher, een predikant die vertelt over zijn leven, zijn werk, zijn obsessie voor broeken met tienduizend zakken om al zijn gadgets in te steken, zijn twijfels en zijn geloof.

Grappig om lezen soms

By the time I was out of school and ready to be an employed minister, I was having some serious problems with the church. That?s not good. My options were pretty much ?minister? or ?you want fries with that??

[…]

After seminary I started a chaplain internship. The program was called ?Clinical Pastoral Education?, sometimes referred to as ?Tear the Young Minister a New One.”

Maar vaak ook redelijk, ahem, zwaar:

I began to feel the ?ping? of a tiny hammer, tapping away at my faith.

Then I met Jenny.

30 something. Cute. New mother with a two little kids. Breast cancer. Found it too late. Spread all over. Absolutely going to die.

Jenny had only one request. ?I know I?m going to die, chaplain. I need time to finish this. It’s for my kids. Pray with me that God will give me the strength to finish it.?

She showed me the needlepoint pillow she was making for her children. It was an ?alphabet blocks and apples? kind of thing. She knew she would not be there for them. Would not drop them off at kindergarten, would not see baseball games, would not help her daughter pick out her first bra. No weddings, no grandkids. Nothing.

She had this fantasy that her children would cherish this thing – sleep with it, snuggle it. Someday it might be lovingly put on display at her daughter?s wedding. Perhaps there would be a moment of silence. Some part of her would be there.

I was totally hooked. We prayed. We believed. Jesus, this was the kind of prayer you could believe in. We were like idiots and fools.

A couple of days later I went to see her only to find the room filled with doctors and nurses. She was having violent convulsions and terrible pain. I watched while she died hard. Real hard.

As the door shut, the last thing I saw was the unfinished needlepoint lying on the floor.

Ping. The hammer fell and preacher came tumbling after.

It?s funny, when your faith finally caves, it goes all at once. You realize you were just a shell held together with hackneyed rituals and desperate hopes. You are not strong. You do not have answers.

Yes indeed.