Ah, Monty Python… My faves?

The Piranha Brothers

Presenter: Another man who had his head nailed to the floor was Stig O’ Tracy.

Interviewer: I’ve been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor.

Stig: No. Never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to buy his mother flowers and that. He was like a brother to me.

Interviewer: But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to the floor.

Stig: (pause) Oh yeah, he did that.

Interviewer: Why?

Stig: Well he had to, didn’t he? I mean there was nothing else he could do, be fair. I had transgressed the unwritten law.

Interviewer: What had you done?

Stig: Er… well he didn’t tell me that, but he gave me his word that it was the case, and that’s good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he didn’t *want* to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He wanted to let me off. He’d do anything for you, Dinsdale would.

Interviewer: And you don’t bear him a grudge?

Stig: A grudge! Old Dinsy. He was a real darling.

Interviewer: I understand he also nailed your wife’s head to a coffee table. Isn’t that true Mrs O’ Tracy?

Take Your Pick

 Michael Miles: […] your first question for the blow on the head this evening is: what great opponent of Cartesian dualism resists the reduction of psychological phenomena to physical states?
Woman: I don’t know that!
Michael Miles: Well, have a guess.
Woman: Henri Bergson.
Michael Miles: Is the correct answer!
Woman: Ooh, that was lucky. I never even heard of him.
Michael Miles: Jolly good.
Woman: I don’t like darkies.
Michael Miles: Ha ha ha. Who does! And now your second question for the blow on the head is: what is the main food that penguins eat?
Woman: Pork luncheon meat.
Michael Miles: No.
Woman: Spam?
Michael Miles: No, no, no. What do penguins eat? Penguins.
Woman: Penguins?
Michael Miles: Yes.
Woman: I hate penguins.
Michael Miles: No, no, no.
Woman: They eat themselves.
Michael Miles: No, no, what do penguins eat?
Woman: Horses! … Armchairs!
Michael Miles: No, no, no. What do penguins eat?
Woman: Oh, penguins.
Michael Miles: Penguins.
Woman: Cannelloni.
Michael Miles: No.
Woman: Lasagna, moussaka, lobster thermidor, escalopes de veau a l’estragon avec endives gratineed with cheese.
Michael Miles: No, no, no, no. I’ll give you a clue. (mimes a fish swimming)
Woman: Ah! Brian Close.
Michael Miles: No. no.
Woman: Brian Inglis, Brian Johnson, Bryan Forbes.
Michael Miles: No, no!
Woman: Nanette Newman.
Michael Miles: No. What swims in the sea and gets caught in nets?
Woman: Henri Bergson.
Michael Miles: No.
Woman: Goats. Underwater goats with snorkels and flippers.
Michael Miles: No, no.
Woman: A buffalo with an aqualung!

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