Posted by: Ghost of Ann Landers
The Lord of the Rings
Or, The Muppets Take Morder
by Jim Henson

Elves:
It’s time to pack the lembas,
It’s time to fight the fights,
It’s time to walk to Morder with the Fellowship tonight.
Orcs:
It’s time to put on chain mail,
It’s time to dress up right,
It’s time to give the business to the Fellowship tonight.
Gandalf: Why did we ever come here? (whacks Saruman)
Saruman: I guess we’ll never know. (grabs Gandalf’s beard)
Gandalf: It’s like a kind of torture (pokes Saruman in the eye)
Both: To have to watch this show! (Saruman pushes Gandalf off the balcony)
Gollum (screams)
“My Precioussss!”
(Gollum makes a run at Frodo, but he gets trampled by Dwarves, the Nazgul, three Ents and some Gondorian sheep)
Sheep:
Baaaaaaa!
Fellowship:
And now let’s get things started…
The Dead Men of Dunharrow:
Why don’t you get things started?
Frodo:
It’s time to get things started
All:
On the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Tolkien-ational —
This – is – what – we – call – the – Hobbit – Show!
(Boromir blows his horn, then gets hacked to death by orcs)

Niet achterlijk. Waarom de Space Shuttle niet meer zou mogen vliegen.

’t Is welbesteekt. Iraqis call shuttle disaster God’s vengeance.

Harddisk gedefragmenteerd. En nu hopen dat het wat rapper zal gaan. In ieder geval weer op breedband.

Ziek. Al heel de dag in bed gelegen.

Columbia Streaks Toward Florida Landing

By Marcia Dunn
AP Aerospace Writer
Saturday, February 1, 2003; 8:28 AM

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. ?? With security tighter than usual, space shuttle Columbia streaked toward a Florida touchdown Saturday to end a successful 16-day scientific research mission that included the first Israeli astronaut.

The early morning fog burned off as the sun rose, and Mission Control gave the seven astronauts the go-ahead to come home on time. “I guess you’ve been wondering, but you are ‘go’ for the deorbit burn,” Mission Control radioed at practically the last minute.

Ilan Ramon, a colonel in Israel’s air force and former fighter pilot, became the first man from his country to fly in space, and his presence resulted in an increase in security, not only for Columbia’s Jan. 16 launch, but also for its landing. Space agency officials feared his presence might make the shuttle more of a terrorist target.

“We’ve taken all reasonable measures, and all of our landings so far since 9-11 have gone perfectly,” said Lt. Col. Michael Rein, an Air Force spokesman.

Columbia’s crew ? Ramon and six Americans ? completed all of their 80-plus experiments in orbit. They studied ant, bee and spider behavior in weightlessness as well as changes in flames and flower scents, and took measurements of atmospheric dust with a pair of Israeli cameras.

The 13 lab rats on board ? part of a brain and heart study ? had to face the guillotine following the flight so researchers could see up-close the effects of so much time in weightlessness. The insects and other animals had a brighter, longer future: the student experimenters were going to get them back and many of the youngsters planned to keep them, almost like pets.

All of the scientific objectives were accomplished during the round-the-clock laboratory mission, and some of the work may be continued aboard the international space station, researchers said. The only problem of note was a pair of malfunctioning dehumidifiers, which temporarily raised temperatures inside the laboratory to the low 80s, 10 degrees higher than desired.

Some of Columbia’s crew members didn’t want their time in space to end.

“Do we really have to come back?” astronaut David Brown jokingly asked Mission Control before the ride home.

NASA’s next shuttle flight, a space station construction mission, is scheduled for March. The next time Columbia flies will be in November, when it carries into orbit educator-astronaut Barbara Morgan, who was the backup for Challenger crew member Christa McAuliffe in 1986.

Naaaaah, couldn’t be, could it? Dat de space shuttle ontploft als casus belli? ’t Zou wel wat zijn.

CNN is zijn oude getrouwe objectieve en neutrale zelf: kolonel Ilan Ramon, de eerst Israeli in space, was, wait for it… wait for it… een gevechtspiloot die Irak gebombardeerd heeft!!!

2002 Search Engine Watch Awards.

En ik begin mij zo slecht te voelen dat ik de computer ga toe doen en slapen. Bleh.

This webpage celebrates the wonderful engrish subtitles featured in an asian bootleg DVD of Lord of The Rings – The Two Towers. What you see is exactly what appears on the TV screen. The first half of the movie has the most screengrabs, as there is more action than talking later on, and the subtitle writers eventually started getting the name of the characters right.

Enter the folks at the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association, who have responded to the looming vegetarian crisis by launching a website, Cool 2B Real, in an attempt to link meat consumption with some degree of hipness. The site, which looks like a cross between a Barbie fan page and a Taco Bell ad (beef-filled tacos and gigantic hamburgers dot the screen), extols teenage girls to “Keep it Real” ? “real” as in a person who eats beef, preferably three or four times a day. Visitors are also invited to send e-cards to their “real friends” and to tell the world why they are “real girls” (because they eat beef burritos, of course!)

“We hope the ‘Cool 2B Real’ campaign helps girls make healthy decisions about food and exercise,” says Mary Young, a registered dietician and Executive Director of Nutrition for the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association. The NCBA, says Young, is concerned about the nutritional shortfalls of vegetarianism, which Young refers to as one of the “wacky eating behaviors” teenage girls tend to favor. [Time]

Keelontsteking. Zucht.

’t Is ook altijd iets.

Ik ga gaan slapen.

Slapel.

Zucht. Nog eens.

Zegt Wim (Allegaert, fijne collega van mijn vorig werk bij Griffo):

Heb wat zitten rondsurfen in je dagboek, was een fijne ervaring na de dramatische laatste dagen … en zo wordt een mens ouder, grrr sophie is gisteren gestorven.

Help. Ik weet niet wat gezegd of gedacht. Ik moet er niet aan denken.

Het komt dichterbij voor ons allemaal, zoveel weet ik wel. De vader van mijn vader is relatief jong gestorven, in 1983: 67 jaar. Wat mij sindsdien altijd bijgebleven is, is wat mijn vader zei. Eén van zijn eerste gedachten toen hij het nieuws hoorde, zei hij, was “en nu is het aan mij”. Vorig jaar is de moeder van Sandra gestorven, en inderdaad, ik had hetzelfde. Nu is het aan onze generatie om te overlijden.

Zucht. Wim: sterkte. Ik kende Sophie niet, en het is al zo lang geleden dat ik u nog gezien heb dat ik niet weet of het onverwacht was of niet, wat er aan de hand was en of er tijd is geweest –neen, er is nooit genoeg tijd, zoveel weet ik wel — oh Christ, ik weet het niet. Sterkte.

Kinda puts my stupid problems in perspective, don’t it?