Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant

who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar

who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine

who was just as sloshed as Schlegel

There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ya

’bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed


John Stuart Mill
, of his own free will

after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away

half a crate of brandy every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram

And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart

"I drink, therefore I am."

There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ya

’bout the raising of the wrist

A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he’s pissed