Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant

who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar

who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine

who was just as sloshed as Schlegel

There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ya

’bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will

after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away

half a crate of brandy every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram

And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart

"I drink, therefore I am."

There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ya

’bout the raising of the wrist

A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he’s pissed