En Hanz zat er mee

En Hanz zat er mee in dat “de buitenwereld” wel eens zou kunnen denken dat hij érgens in die drie maand opsluiting ooit eens zijn robert zou beroeren onder de lakens. Tja.

Ondertussen begin ik wel honger te krijgen. Eens kijken of er iets opstaat beneden. Als Big Brother gedaan is.

Cliff Yablonksi tells it like

Cliff Yablonksi tells it like it is:

1. Schools are too fucking nice as is, so none of the money should go into buying more shit for schools like computers or teachers or whatever. When I went to grade school for three years, all we had was a piece of plywood to sit on and our teacher was a fucking elm tree. Kids need to be treated like criminals until they get out of school at the age of 28, so I want to move all the kids to the prisons so they can share cells with the same gutterslugs that they’ll ultimately end up being like anyway.

2. I don’t know how much cash goes into giving flu shots for kids, but it needs to be stopped right now. How the fuck are kids going to build up a tolerance for the flu if they keep getting pumped full of Advil or whatever the hell they put in those needles? Let those little shitheads learn to deal with the pain like I did when I was a kid and I fell down the hill into the abandoned meat packing factory and landed on a giant meathook which went through my skull and heart. I walked that one off and later that day I was feeling fine enough to score three touchdowns in the 12th inning against the South Appleton Spinsters.

3. All school computer machines will be ripped out and replaced with cinder blocks that explode and shoot shrapnel everywhere whenever some kid starts mouthing off. All computer machines do is play games and show the porn, so there’s no reason kids should be jacking off and playing Mario Man when they should be learning about verbs or prime numbers or whatever.

4. The school year should be lengthened to 11 months long and should start at 7:00 AM and end at 8:00 PM, at which point the kids will be launched home in escape pods that crash through their house’s ceiling and don’t give them any chance to escape to go to the mall or eat chili or anything else that kids do which annoys me so goddamn much.

5. All schoolboard money will go directly to me and I will be in charge of distributing it as I see fit, such as purchasing whiskey dispensing machines for my house and paying speeding tickets.

‘t Is geen nieuwe Cliff Yablonski Hates You, maar toch een welkome blik in het hart van een warme oude man met een innemende persoonijkheid.

Voor wie zich afvroeg welke

Voor wie zich afvroeg welke bestelling het was waar ik op zat te wachten:

Een miniafstandsgeleid autootje. Een paar centimeter lang. Zoals de blurb zegt:


  • World?s fastest micro R/C car- up to 4 times faster than other micro R/C cars (speeds up to 10 MPH!)
  • World?s 2nd smallest R/C car with overall length of 50mm

  • Dual Ni-MH batteries allows a 15-min run time w/ a 10-min charge
  • CPU?s oversteer, understeer & suspension controls mimic braking & turbo functions like in a real car
  • Controller provides the following features:

    • Ergonomic controller ? pistol-grip design for intuitive response
    • Steering wheel ? operates left & right steering
    • Throttle trigger ? 2-step advance & retrogression
    • On/Off switch, red/green battery indicator, multi-channel (ie: multi-car) can control up to 4 models at the same time, easy/normal mode
    • Alignment control ? to enable a straight-line advancing

Een lamp voor mijn portable, want het is enorm vervelend toen op zo’n petieterig laptopkeyboard in het donker. Geen batterijen nodig, plugt rechtstreeks in de usb-poort (een geluk dat ik er twee heb!), gebruikt minder dan 90 seconden batterij per uur, met een witte LED die 100.000 uur zou moeten meegaan.
Ik was er al lang naar op zoek, en behalve bij ThinkGeek, waar ik nu dus zo’n wit produkt gekocht heb, is er nergens één on-line koopbaar. Bah.

Een groene laserpointer. Akkoord, ik heb er al een aantal, maar toch: zeker 50 keer helderder dan een rooie laserpointer! Zeggen ze bij ThinkGeek: Okay, just about everyone has a red laser pointer. Heck, we even sell a fine one here at ThinkGeek. But, we’re pretty sure you want to be a superior geek – and doing it with a green laser is the way to go.  […] I mean come on, a 532 nm green laser wavelength is obviously superior to a laughable 650 nm red laser wavelength. And unlike a red laser, the green beam itself can be seen in mid-air in dark conditions, not just the laser beam dot. This allows the green laser pointer to be used for pointing to star constellations (skypointing) and also just generally look cool as hell. The green laser beam dot can be seen at much greater distances than with a red laser pointer.

Woody Harrelson: I’m an American

Woody Harrelson: I’m an American tired of American lies, in The Guardian gisteren.

I have been here three months doing a play in the West End. I am having the time of my life. I love England, the people, the parks, the theatre. The play is great and the audiences have been a dream. Probably I should just relax, be happy and talk about the weather, but this war is under my skin – it affects my sleep. [The Guardian]

De man stijg (nog) in mijn achting. Hoeveel keer moet de wereld dit nog horen voor ze beseffen wat voor perfide spelletje Bush en zijn adviseurs spelen?

I am a father, and no amount of propaganda can convince me that half a million dead children is acceptable “collateral damage”. The fact is that Saddam Hussein was our boy. The CIA helped him to power, as they did the Shah of Iran and Noriega and Marcos and the Taliban and countless other brutal tyrants. The fact is that George Bush Sr continued to supply nerve gas and technology to Saddam even after he used it on Iran and then the Kurds in Iraq. While the Amnesty International report listing countless Saddam atrocities, including gassing and torturing Kurds, was sitting on his desk, Bush Sr pushed through a $2bn “agricultural” loan and Thatcher gave hundreds of millions in export credit to Saddam. The elder Bush then had the audacity to quote the Amnesty reports to garner support for his oil war.

Mijn bestelling is bijna toegekomen:

Mijn bestelling is bijna toegekomen:




















































































































PACKAGE PROGRESS
Date   Time   Location   Activity
Oct 18, 2002   5:32 A.M.   BRUSSELS, BE   OUT FOR DELIVERY
    5:31 A.M.   BRUSSELS, BE   IMPORT SCAN
Oct 17, 2002   10:01 P.M.   ROISSY, PARIS, FR   A LATE AIRPLANE CAUSED THIS DELAY
    12:46 A.M.   PHILADELPHIA, PA, US   EXPORT SCAN
    12:40 A.M.   PHILADELPHIA, PA, US   UNLOAD SCAN
    12:05 A.M.   PHILADELPHIA, PA, US   ARRIVAL SCAN
Oct 16, 2002   10:02 P.M.   LINTHICUM, MD, US   DEPARTURE SCAN
    9:53 P.M.   LINTHICUM, MD, US   LOCATION SCAN
    9:50 P.M.   LINTHICUM, MD, US   UNLOAD SCAN
    9:49 P.M.   LINTHICUM, MD, US   ARRIVAL SCAN
    9:41 P.M.   BALTIMORE, MD, US   DEPARTURE SCAN
    9:22 P.M.   BALTIMORE, MD, US   ORIGIN SCAN
    4:22 P.M.   US   BILLING INFORMATION RECEIVED

Ah getver. Het vliegtuig heeft

Ah getver. Het vliegtuig heeft vertraging.




































































































PACKAGE PROGRESS
Date   Time   Location   Activity
Oct 17, 2002   10:01 P.M.   ROISSY, PARIS, FR   A LATE AIRPLANE CAUSED THIS DELAY
    12:46 A.M.   PHILADELPHIA, PA, US   EXPORT SCAN
    12:40 A.M.   PHILADELPHIA, PA, US   UNLOAD SCAN
    12:05 A.M.   PHILADELPHIA, PA, US   ARRIVAL SCAN
Oct 16, 2002   10:02 P.M.   LINTHICUM, MD, US   DEPARTURE SCAN
    9:53 P.M.   LINTHICUM, MD, US   LOCATION SCAN
    9:50 P.M.   LINTHICUM, MD, US   UNLOAD SCAN
    9:49 P.M.   LINTHICUM, MD, US   ARRIVAL SCAN
    9:41 P.M.   BALTIMORE, MD, US   DEPARTURE SCAN
    9:22 P.M.   BALTIMORE, MD, US   ORIGIN SCAN
    4:22 P.M.   US   BILLING INFORMATION RECEIVED